Diamondbacks Bullpen Forum Index Diamondbacks Bullpen
The baseball forum that doesn't suck
 
 Home       News Feed 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 
Don't ever fuck with Jack Bauer!
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Diamondbacks Bullpen Forum Index -> Anything Goes
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Driaz
Hall of Famer


Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 3716
Location: Tucson

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 7:57 pm    Post subject: Don't ever fuck with Jack Bauer! Reply with quote

Ok, I'm only watching momentarily in between the first of the two hour first night premier, and in case any of you east coast folks would say something, I won't check back on the thread until after I see the second hour tonight. Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
XB3
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1165

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jack went all Count Dracula on some terrorist ass!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Driaz
Hall of Famer


Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 3716
Location: Tucson

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey XB3!

That was absolutely hilarious when Jack when Dracula on the terrorists ass. Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
XB3
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1165

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jack has killed alot of people, but never bit them to death.


Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Driaz
Hall of Famer


Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 3716
Location: Tucson

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey XB3!

I've read almost all of these before, and love to laugh at them all. 24 is the epitome of an asshole male. Well, maybe not the epitome, I was in the Navy, but I doubt I could withstand the shit Jack Bauer takes. ROFLMBO!!!! LOL, let me take that back, I KNOW without a doubt I couldn't come close to withstanding the shit Jack Bauer takes. LOL
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
XB3
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1165

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well Driaz, all Navy guys must have been laughing hysterically the season when the Russians parked a nuke sub in the harbor. Some of the situations are ridiculous.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
tmar
Hall of Famer


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 3167
Location: North of apathy South of concern

PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I must be the only guy in America never to see that show. Is this a joke or is Kiefer Sutherland really playing a believable bad ass role?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
shoewizard
Number Retired


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 16313
Location: In front of my computer

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks like Jack is about to go all wimpy on us.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
XB3
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1165

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

tmar wrote:
I must be the only guy in America never to see that show. Is this a joke or is Kiefer Sutherland really playing a believable bad ass role?

Sutherland plays a bad ass, and does it pretty good. I think he whispers way too much in situations that he doesn't need to be.

The show itself is wild because no character, except Jack apparently, is safe from dying. Be it bullets, rockets, biological weapons, or coerced suicide. Jack was once forced to execute his boss.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
AZ SnakePit
Everyday Player


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 974
Location: Bloody Basin Road, AZ

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

XB3 wrote:
The show itself is wild because no character, except Jack apparently, is safe from dying. Be it bullets, rockets, biological weapons, or coerced suicide. Jack was once forced to execute his boss.

And I'm sure everyone who saw that thought of forging an ultimatum from a terrorist group, so that you could get to do the same thing: "Sorry, Mr. Burns, but this is for the good of the country." BANG! Twisted Evil

24 kicks ass. We've been addicted since we watched the entire first season on DVD in three days: skipped it on broadcast because we got sick of the endless frickin' adverts for it during the 2001 World Series! Not made that mistake since...

Now, if only we could set Jack Bauer on the frickin' spammers here... Time to put on my admin head... Mad
_________________
Jim McLennan
AZ SnakePit
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
matt
Face of the Franchise


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 7391

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I downloaded tonights eps last night and WOW!! I'd comment on the yesterday's eps but the four kind of blended together for me.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Driaz
Hall of Famer


Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 3716
Location: Tucson

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

XB3 wrote:
Well Driaz, all Navy guys must have been laughing hysterically the season when the Russians parked a nuke sub in the harbor. Some of the situations are ridiculous.


Jack : Do you have a firearm?

Petty Officer : No. The armory is on the other side of the ship.

Jack: You need to find something that will work as a weapon.

Petty Officer : I have a utility tool, it has a knife on it?

Jack : That'll work.

...

Petty Officer : You still haven't told me what you need me to do.

Jack : You need to go to the forward escape hatch and let us in.

Petty Officer : But there is a man there guarding it.

Jack : You're gonna have to kill him.

Petty Officer : <silence> but I'm just an engineer. I'm not trained for that.

....

Jack : .....(infamous Bauer line) We're running out of time.

.....
.....

Jack : What's your position son?

Petty Officer : I'm 30 feet forward of the hatch.

Jack : Have you got a visual on the hostile guarding the hatch?

Petty Officer : Yeah, he's still there. What do you want me to do?

Jack : You need to kill him without alerting the others.

Petty Officer : <wide eyed shocked expression> silence

Jack : Are you right handed or left handed?

Petty Officer : I'm right handed.

Jack : I want you to approach him from behind. When you are within 18 inches, I want you to put your left hand over his mouth and pull his head back into your chest esposing his neck. Then I want you to take your right hand and slit his throat.

Petty Officer : Oh my God! Shocked

Jack : You need to cut deep in order to severe the vocal chords and the carotid artery.

Petty Officer : <silence> uh, hmm I, uh, I don't know if I can do this.

Jack : You don't have a choice son.

<silence>

Jack : You need to focus on the objective. <long pause> You cannot afford to think about this son. You need to do it.

Laughing

Go Navy, go baby!!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
misterx
Face of the Franchise


Joined: 12 Nov 2006
Posts: 8523
Location: do you really care

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

best show on tv
_________________


Dbacks bullpen PEDS for the other team
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
matt
Face of the Franchise


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 7391

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 2:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

from an older season:
"The only way you're going to die is if I kill you. Your bomb's not going off."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
XB3
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1165

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did anyone notice that when Fayed and his men threw Jack into their vehicle, he had a head wound that was bleeding fairly profusely. Yet within 15 minutes (probably less) of '24' time, Jack didn't have so much as a teeny scab there. And nothing further was said about the stab wound Fayed inflicted on him, nor did it seem to have any effect on him after the initial wound. Jack is impervious to stab wounds!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
matt
Face of the Franchise


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 7391

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look, its 24 and therefore impossible things but be ingored from time to time. You could say the same thing about how no matter where they are, they can get to any part of the city in 5-20 minutes. Traffic be damned.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
matt
Face of the Franchise


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 7391

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.

For the ultimate 24 fan:

The Jack Bauer Manpurse

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
tmar
Hall of Famer


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 3167
Location: North of apathy South of concern

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allright, you've sold me. I'll have to put my Netflix into action and rent the previous seasons.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
misterx
Face of the Franchise


Joined: 12 Nov 2006
Posts: 8523
Location: do you really care

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

can't wait to see tonights 2 hours
_________________


Dbacks bullpen PEDS for the other team
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
McCray
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1822
Location: Surrounded by boxes I should be unpacking

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm sold too, tmar. i tried to get into it when it first came out on tv, but every season i miss an episode or two, and then i'm totally fucking lost and i eventually give up. this show sounds like a cool rental, though.
_________________
What is it with this team having "The Face of the Franchise" be a craptastic overpaid whiny left fielder?!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
David B
Hall of Famer


Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 3466
Location: Portland

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm always amazed that Jack Bauer never has to go to the bathroom in a 24 hour period. His bladder is tougher than he is.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
tmar
Hall of Famer


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 3167
Location: North of apathy South of concern

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Perhaps related to his apparent aggressiveness.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
EvilJuan
Number Retired


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 13940
Location: The carpark outside Milliways

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David B wrote:
I'm always amazed that Jack Bauer never has to go to the bathroom in a 24 hour period. His bladder is tougher than he is.


Jack Bauer is so tough that others wet/soil themselves for him.
_________________
New Regime: SOS
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
David B
Hall of Famer


Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 3466
Location: Portland

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We never get to see him on his "lazy" days. You know, Jack getting up late, hungover after an all night drunk, sitting on th couch in his underwear, scratching himself while he channel surfs the Sunday NFL games...all the while with that little clock ticking in the bottom corner.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
XB3
Veteran Presence


Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1165

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David B wrote:
We never get to see him on his "lazy" days. You know, Jack getting up late, hungover after an all night drunk, sitting on th couch in his underwear, scratching himself while he channel surfs the Sunday NFL games...all the while with that little clock ticking in the bottom corner.

That would be "The other 24."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Diamondbacks Bullpen Forum Index -> Anything Goes All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Page 1 of 6

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



visitors since April 13, 2006.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group